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Just a quick few thoughts more tonight before my non-Christmas eve closes out:

First, it’s one thing to know someone’s going to die.  It’s quite another to a) believe they’re going to do it on purpose b) know it would be the right thing for them c) have to stand by and watch helpless.  Ultimately, that’s not the way it panned out the other day but it was a harsh reminder that the absurdly poetic aspects of life are dirty and bloody and painful and wet and final.

Second, holy god.  Significant diet changes **really** affect my mood.  I’ve been incredibly depressed lately – not in my normal state of…well..whatever this blog is…but lethargic and unable to do much beside watch Doctor Who and play Same Game.  Looking back at timing, it goes back to when I adjusted what I was eating dramatically to save money. I’m going to have to rethink that bit or I’ll be a lot less lively at my funeral than I’d like to be.

Third, I got to karaoke with two friends last week who both travel the world and we collectively kicked ass.  It was an unexpected, surprising success. People were roaring and patting us on our backs.  Nothing like growling out an angry version of Wicked Game to cover a shitty singing voice – especially with a hot female vocal joining you.

Fourth, it helps that I really don’t care how this turns out. It’s all upside. At best, I get to walk across the country and experience new people, new places, new everything. At worst, it’s a total failure after trying instead of a total failure without trying.